Why don’t they skip on down the road to someone else and leave you to put your time, energy and, um, bodily fluids elsewhere? That they’d expect you to engage in all sorts of sexual acts. It’s actually pretty ridiculous that someone who, for instance, has the cheek to tell you that they’re not interested, still wants to exchange bodily fluids. They may overvalue what they bring to the table, assuming that because they’re having a good time, that you’re grateful they’re breaking you off a piece. If someone is having sex with you and they’re not interested, or they don’t want to have a relationship, it’s because in their mind it’s a casual relationship. In an ideal world, you’d like to think that shagging each other and even buffering it with hanging out, dinners, and some contact, would be an automatic precursor to a relationship. Unfortunately, that same person isn’t interested in them and/or a relationship. “Well… I just don’t want you to get all serious on me because, to be honest, I’m not really looking for a relationship right now… Is that OK?” Um, well, no, it’s not OK! But what the hell are you supposed to say when you’re lying there naked in a room that reeks of sex?Īs I type these words, more than a few people out there are having sex with someone with who they have more than a casual interest. Let’s just go with the flow.” You suddenly feel exposed and vulnerable. “I’m having a really good time you know, but let’s not ruin things. They pull themselves onto their side and look at you. You’re in the Justifying Zone, that slippery slope many people go to where they look for reasons to justify their initial emotional and sexual investment instead of saying “I’m out.” Turns out, you can have sex with someone and it not mean that you’re destined to be together forever and ever.Īfter posing the question, the atmosphere changes. You reason that it’s pretty obvious that you’re crazy about them, so surely they’re not stringing you along? You remember the stuff they talked about doing with you (but have made no moves to), or when they said that they really enjoy your company. Every time these thoughts creep in, you remind yourself of when you were laughing a few weeks ago. You want to progress things, and there’s a niggling concern that they’re using you for sex, although you really don’t want to see it this way. Or, you mention a forthcoming event that you’d like them to come to with you. One night, lying there in the afterglow of another good session, you tentatively ask what the score is. After the initial burst of calls/texts/emails and off-the-chains sex, you’re in not-knowing-where-you-stand territory. After a date or few, you sleep together and feel as if there’s an amazing connection. You appear to share common interests and possess a similar outlook. You think they’re funny, clever, witty, and that they embody all of the physical qualities that you like. Picture this (adopts Sophia from Golden Girls voice): You’re attracted to someone.